I don't even know what to say... I miss Parker.
This weekend he was cremated and knowing that I'll never get to see his little face again is just devastating. It was different having him in the hospital where if I really wanted to see him again, I could. But now, he's gone. Never again will I lay eyes on him, or touch his little hands. I can't hold him. I can't kiss his forehead... I can't do any of it.
I think about him, and all the things we wont be able to do. We'll never get to see his smile, or hear him talk, walk or even just breathe. Why did my baby have to go? I tried to hard to make him stay. I held him and told him that I'd be the best mommy he could ever ask for, and I told him that I would take such good care of him, but none of that worked.
I heard him cry at 10:05am on August 24th, and I'll never hear it again. I'm afraid I'm going to forget what he sounded like and what he felt like. His head was so fuzzy and his skin was so soft. His head fit perfectly in the palm of my hand. In my hands is where he took his last breaths and his heart beat it's last beats.
Parker, Mama misses you so much. I love you, forever.
You were the best mommy he could ever ask for. He was lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteyou, laurie, and your boys are in our thoughts every day. sending love ((()))
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you. Thinking of you and your family all the time.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you with all the love and strength in my heart.
ReplyDelete((You will always be his Mama))
ReplyDeletewishing you peace and love. you did everything you could for Parker! You are a wonderful mother!
ReplyDeleteNo one should ever have to endure the things you have been through. I continue to send peace and healing your way. xo
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine this. My heart aches for you all as I read this.
ReplyDeleteThinking of your family
ReplyDelete